pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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