I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
and you fell through a lawn chair
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
