In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
