Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
