If i come over, it means nothing
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I would fuck him just for his dog
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
