its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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