highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
