Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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