The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
