So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
