so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
