I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
