So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
