So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
