respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
