When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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