I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
