i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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