My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
