There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
