You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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