just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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