I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just googled if crying burns calories
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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