We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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