i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Did I show you my penis last night?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize