I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
