P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
