what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
