he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
