sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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