Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
