brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
