is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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