I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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