If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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