life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
