A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Alive.
So much puke
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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