Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
