Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
should my penis look like a turkey
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
