Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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