maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
