Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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