You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Holy shit dude........stairs
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
