I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
