i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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