1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
