And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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