we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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