yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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