So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
