I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you didnt know i had herpes?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
