I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Dick very happy bro
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
