Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
