It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
