You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
