that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
