I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
