I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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