apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
