sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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