I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
